


Brian In A Blender

by MurkyMuse



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Crack, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, inspired by a typo turned joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 19:49:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7770793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MurkyMuse/pseuds/MurkyMuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian was glad to be back at Camp Half-Blood. He had missed the matchmaking, canoeing, swordfighting practice, makeovers, capture the flag, and flirting with the hot Apollo cabin counselor.    </p>
<p>But for the life of him, Brian couldn’t figure out why the son of Hades kept giving him dirty looks. Honesty, he expected to wake up one morning with bones scattered in his bed or something equally horrifying.</p>
<p>(Or a son of Aphrodite somehow manages to miss the memo that Will and Nico are dating now. Hilarity ensues.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brian In A Blender

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OMGitsgreen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OMGitsgreen/gifts).



> This is a crack fic based off a typo that turned into a joke between OMGitsgreen and me. Essentially Green referred to something that happened in my fic, Forget Me Not, as Nico having his brain in a blender. I made the typo of “brian in a blender”, which caused her to ask: Who’s Brian? Why did Nico put him in a blender? Did he hit on Will or something? And yeah, this joke was born.

Brian was looking forward to camp as he grabbed his duffle off the baggage pickup line and slung it across his shoulders, next to his camera case. The past two summers had been…difficult to say the least. Hopefully this summer would not involve large scale wars or big battles with primordial gods. Just a normal summer of matchmaking, canoeing, flirting, swordfighting practice, makeovers, and capture the flag.  

Walking down the off-ramp, he spotted his half-sister Lacy and Oliver the satyr. He hurried over to them.

“Lacy! You’re looking cute as ever!” He said as he gave his sister a hug. “Who’s all at camp?”

“Besides Val, me, and Drew, you’ll be the first one back.”

“Piper’s not back yet?”

“She’s flying in with Jason tomorrow. Michael is driving in this weekend.”

Brian nodded. He wasn’t sure if ‘flying in with Jason’ meant they were taking a plane or if Jason was going to literally fly them across country. You could never tell with Big Three children and their ridiculous powers.

“Alright”, Oliver bleated, “Let’s get you two to camp before any monsters notice.”

* * *

The cab ride to Long Island was peaceful enough but trouble soon found them once they left the car to trek up Half-Blood Hill. You see, the most dangerous part of returning to camp every summer was the final leg. Monsters knew that young demigods had to cross this stretch of forest to reach safety and laid in wait.

That was how Brian and company found themselves facing a chimera. The beast growled and pounced. Brian grabbed Lacy’s arm as they scrambled away, its claws barely missing them. Oliver pulled out his panpipes and let out a terrible screech that was in no way music. However, it was a distress signal.

The three of them avoided two more charges by ducking around pine trees. Brian’s luck ran out then as his foot caught on a root and he tumbled to the ground. The chimera lunged at him, its sharp teeth flashing.

The cavalry arrived at that moment in the form of shadows and death incarnate. Nico di Angelo struck down the monster with a single blow from his midnight blade. The golden dust that normally scattered after a monster’s death was instead absorbed into his soul-sucking weapon. The son of Hades then sheathed his sword in one fluid motion and looked down at Brian with a bored expression like he’d done nothing more than swat a gnat.

“Thanks…” Brian shook his head and stood up, brushing the leaves off his jeans. He then double-checked that his camera hadn’t been harmed in the scuffle.

“You’re bleeding”, Lacy said as she grabbed his arm.

Sure enough, he’d managed to cut his arm in the fall. It was a shame because this was his third favorite shirt; now the sleeve was ripped and bloody.

Nico scanned the surrounds for danger. “I’ll patrol the woods in case any other monsters are lurking around. You three get across the hill.”

“We’ll leave that to you”, Oliver said.

As they walked up the hill, passing Thalia’s tree and the Athena Parthenos, Brian couldn’t help but shiver just a little.

“Nico is scary intimidating. I’d hate to get on his bad side.”  

When they reached the bottom of the hill, Lacy grabbed his duffle bag right off him. “I’ll take your stuff to the cabin. You should get that looked at.”

“Thanks.”

Lacy walked off toward the cabins with his bag slung over her should and her pigtails bouncing. Brian turned to the infirmary on the side of the Big House.

As soon as he opened the door, he was greeted to a cappella rendition of a vaguely familiar song (Adam Lambert maybe?). Half a dozen Apollo kids were in the process of cleaning and re-stocking the infirmary while they sang as if they were right out of a musical.

It wasn’t a surprising sight. There wasn’t a child of Apollo that couldn’t carry a tune; and, they all seemed to enjoy bursting into song on occasion (granted, some more than others). However, the beauty of it did stun Brian. The singing was lovely but the true beauty was the lighting. The way it filtered from the windows was perfect. If it wasn’t for the stinging pain from his battle wound, Brian would have taken a photo right then and there.

“Curse you, chimera.”

His mutter of annoyance was enough to get their attention. It only took a few seconds for the resident head medic to notice his injury, grab supplies, and pull the son of Aphrodite to the side. Brian sat on the edge of an infirmary bed and shifted a little awkwardly.

Will Solace, head medic and counselor of Cabin 7, was a handsome guy: tall, blond hair that curled around his ears, nice blue eyes, an archer’s arms but a healer’s hands. And they had a bit of a history.

No, not like that.

A few months before the battle with Gaia, Drew had asked out Will – obviously expecting the son of Apollo to reciprocate because she’s Drew and second only to Piper in charmspeak and sheer Aphrodite beauty mojo – but Will had just blinked at her in confusion before coming out as gay. Brian, who had watched the exchange, then jokingly hit on Will.

It was a silly moment that meant nothing. Brian hadn’t wanted to get involved in anyone with yet another war around the corner. The children of Aphrodite were supposed to break hearts, not get their hearts broken because their significant other died in battle.

However, this summer there wouldn’t be another war (probably). Sitting so close as Will cleaned the cut, Brian couldn’t help but think it was worth a shot.

With that decided, he shifted again – less awkward and more befitting a child of the love goddess – until he was hovering on the edge of Will’s personal space.

“So what happened?” Will asked. He didn’t even glance up at Brian. It made the attempt at eye contact pointless.  

“A chimera attacked us before we reached the hill.” Brian paused because the full truth was a little embarrassing. “I, ah, tripped and got cut on a rock or something. Didn’t even notice until Lacy pointed it out.”

“Adrenaline does that.”  

Brian was about to say a brilliantly flirty line about what some other chemicals do to the human body. Then Will lathered some type healing ointment on his arm. Brian winced and almost squirmed away. It stung worse than his injury.

“So the monsters are already waiting for incoming campers. Great.” Will sounded absolutely thrilled at the prospect of more injured campers. Brian could practically hear the eye roll.

“I doubt they’ll be there long. Di Angelo went to patrol the forest.”

For some reason the other Apollo kids chose that moment to re-start their song. Will shook his head in exasperation and gave a look that screamed ‘siblings, right’. That expression then dimmed into a mask of unreadableness.

“Nico ran off without any backup, didn’t he?” Will asked as he began bandaging the wound.

Why did that matter?

“He’ll be fine”, Brian said with one shouldered shrug, “He swatted that chimera like a gnat.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” There was that soft, friendly smile that was completely typical of Will. “You’re good to go. I need to go finish organizing since some people are too busy practicing a quartet show to do their jobs.”

“Would you prefer us to whistle while we work?”

“Please, no more Disney.”

“Hey, that’s a classic!”

An argument on the best Disney song quickly broke out. Brian snuck out the door before he got pulled into it.

* * *

The first thing Brian did when he got into the cabin was to throw himself on his bed.

“I didn’t even get a chance to use a cheesy pick up line! I’m a sham!”

“Of course you are”, Drew said. She was sitting on her bunk painting her nails hot pink, while Valentina was reading a magazine. The shower was running so Brian assumed Lacy was in there washing off the dirt and sweat that came with meeting a monster in the forest.

“Hello to you too.”

Drew shot him a smile.

“So who did you fail to hit on?” Valentina asked as she flipped the page.

Oh no. He should have known better than to say anything. Yeah, sure, gossip was fun but he (liked to think he) had a reputation. One that didn’t involve pathetically awkward attempts at flirting.

“Wait.” Drew looked over at him in amused glee. That was never a good sign. “Were you flirting with _Will_?”

Valentina did the unthinkable and put her magazine down. “Cupid’s arrow! You didn’t?”

“So what if I was? What’s the big deal?”

The two glanced at each other. Brian had the strange feeling that they’d come to an unspoken agreement.

“It’s nothing. We just think it’s good that you’re finally going after what you want.”

In hindsight, that should have been a giant red flag. Unfortunately, Brian cared more about getting in the other bathroom so he could shower off the dirt and sweat that came from meeting a monster in the forest.

* * *

Dinner, it seemed, was hamburgers and hot dogs. Brian wasn’t thrilled with the selection as he and his sisters slid into their seats. With only four of them currently at camp, Aphrodite table was pretty roomy.  His sisters started talking about what movies they’d seen over the school year. Normally Brian would have been chatting right along with them. After all, it was best to get it out before Piper arrived tomorrow and the unspoken rule of “don’t gush about Tristan McLean” came into effect again.

However, Brian was a little distracted by a certain blond at the Apollo table and trying to come up with a plan of attack. Maybe he could just happen to sit by Will at the campfire later-

“Annabeth!” Malcolm called as he stood up from his lone dinner.

Everyone turned their heads to see Annabeth Chase and Percy Jackson making their way toward the pavilion. Nico was walking with them, half cloaked in the evening shadows. With leaves clinging to their hair and dirt smudged on their clothes, all three looked like they’d been in a brief scuffle. Brian almost felt sorry for whatever monster had crossed them.

Chiron called out a greeting from the big table. A few hugs were exchanged among friends (Rachel Dare was huggy at times). Annabeth then kissed her boyfriend’s cheek before joining her brother at the Athena table. Nico tried to casually walk away but Percy caught him a half hug, half headlock.

“Looks like the Big Three table is reformed.”

“How about no.”

“Nico”, Chiron spoke up in his best authoritative voice, “The agreement was you sit at your designated table during summer.”

The son of Hades glared like he was considering summoning a few dozen zombies. However, he relented after a minute and went to sit at the Hades table. Since the Big Three table wasn’t a literal table but the Big Three children rotating which of their fathers’ tables they ate at, Percy joined him.  

“What was that about?” Lacy asked.

“He kept summoning zombies after he got bored eating by himself”, Valentina said, “So Chiron let him sit wherever he wanted, if only so the rest of us could eat in peace.”

Drew snorted.

Brian took another bite of his burger and then returned his attention to the Apollo table, where Will was laughing at something one of his siblings just said. Right, so the idea was to casually get Will’s attention at the campfire. The atmosphere of it would be prefect for another attempt at flirting.

A sudden shiver went down his spine like someone had just stepped on his grave. Brian turned and found a pair of colorless eyes on him. It wasn’t a pleasant stare. In fact, he was suddenly wary that the ground might open up and swallow him.

Then Percy must have said something because Nico turned his head away to reply.

It all happened so quickly that Brian wondered if he’d imagined Nico’s anger. The son of Hades’ resting expression was a scowl. And it’s not like Brian had done anything that would have made him mad.

…Right?

* * *

The fire crackled as voices filled the night air. The Nike twins were challenging a few Ares kids to some contest. Two new campers that Brian didn’t recognize were trying to hide that they were holding hands. A group, mostly of Apollo campers, were passing around a guitar and singing.

However, Will was nowhere in sight. It was a little weird because he’d usually be singing with his siblings. When Austin took a break to grab a drink, Brian asked him.

“Why?” Austin’s voice was oddly cold. “Is your arm bothering you?”

“No. My arm’s fine.”

“Then it’s not your business.”

With his grand plan ruined just like that, Brian didn’t feel up to hanging around. He went back to the cabin and then crawled into bed.

* * *

Brian shifted in an attempt to comfortable. Something boney dug into his side. He turned only to come face to face with a skull. Its eye sockets burned with purple fire. Brian did the only reasonable thing: he screamed and scrambled backwards, tumbling off the bed. His tailbone hit the floor painfully.

“Oww.”

He sat up, sweat beading on his forehead, and looked around the dim cabin. It was thankfully devoid of skeletons with scary fiery eyes.  

“You okay?” Lacy mumbled.

“I’m fine. Just a weird dream…”

“We really don’t want to hear about your weird wet dreams”, Drew said.

“Not- not that type of dream!” Brian sputtered.

“Shut up! I’m trying to sleep!” Valentina screeched.

“Mom knows you need all the beauty sleep you can get.”

Valentina retailed with a thrown pillow. Lacy murmured something about wishing Piper was back already. Brian just muttered curses under his breath as he gathered his fallen blankets and climbed back into bed.

Why was this messing with his head so much? Maybe he should just avoid the son of Hades? Unfortunately, he realized, avoiding Nico wouldn’t be possible. Brian was supposed to join the sword class tomorrow.

* * *

Brian liked swordfighting. It didn’t mean he was good at it but he liked it. The current class was basically all of Ares cabin, a few Hermes kids, the Nike twins, and a Nemesis boy. It was taught by the intimidating duo of Percy Jackson and Nico di Angelo.

As Brian walked into the practice arena, Nico gave him what may have been a pointed glare or may have been Nico being…Nico. All Big Three children had this presence of power about them. However, the son of Hades – with his eerie eyes and catlike movements – made Brian hesitate.  

“What are you standing around for?” Percy called.

Brian shook off his pause and jogged over to join the class.

After basic drills, Brian grabbed a water bottle while Damien White and Sherman Yang took their turn at sparing. A few minutes later, Cecil from Hermes cabin wandered over to the cooler. Once he’d gulped down half the bottle, Cecil twisted it closed and turned to Brian.

“What’d you do to piss Nico off? I haven’t seen him glare like that since the time we went on a supply run and the cashier hit on Will.”

Brian almost dropped his water bottle. “Nico likes Will?”

Cecil stared at him like he’d grown a second head. “Aren’t you usually up to date with camp gossip? They’ve been dating since Christmas.”    

…

“I’m going to strangle Drew and Val!”

The outburst caused everyone to turn toward him. Brian didn’t care. He spun on his heel and stormed out of class with the full intention of giving his sisters a piece of his mind.

“Eh”, Holly said after he’d left, “Typical Aphrodite cabin melodrama.”  

Brian found Drew and Valentia near the stables. Drew was ogling Butch while he taught the newest demigods about pegasus riding. Valentina was fixing her eyeliner.

“What in Hades were you two thinking?!”

Valentia flinched, messing up her makeup. “Dammit, Brian!”

“Oh, so you found out.” Drew had the nerve to smirk about it.

“Yes! I would say I can’t believe you’d do that but it really is something you’d do!”

“Consider it payback for what you did after I asked out Will.”

“You’re impossible!” Brian practically growled.

“Do I even want to know what’s going on?”

All three turned to the new voice: Piper. She looked like she’d just arrived and was already regretting it.

“Drew and Val led me to believe Will’s still single. I just found out he isn’t.”

Piper sighed the sigh of the long suffering. “Drew, Val. Why would you do that?”

“In my defense”, Valentina replied, “Brian used the last of my foundation right before he left camp last summer.”

“Wha?” Brian blinked in confusion. “You said I could use it!”

“Not all of it!”

“Quiet!” Everyone within hearing range of Piper’s voice froze. “How about everyone apologize and move on.”

The suggestion wasn’t laced with charmspeak but it was clear that they didn’t actually have a chance in the matter.      

* * *

Once a somewhat bitter truce between him and his sisters was agreed upon, Brian felt like he should probably apologize to the couple that was affected by the mess. However, the thought of approaching either Will or Nico was both mildly terrifying and completely embarrassing.

The decision was taken out of his hands the next morning when Will showed up bright and early outside Cabin 10. Brian glanced from Will and back at the door, considering whether darting back inside and hiding was worth it.

“Hi…” Will shifted on his feet before continuing. “I’m going to be upfront about this. I’m in a relationship.”

“So I’ve been told.” He glared at Valentina, who was walking toward the dining pavilion. “I wouldn’t have even considered it if my _two favorite sisters_ hadn’t failed to mentioned that little fact sooner.”

Will broke into a laugh at that. “So this awkward situation happened because of Drew and Valentia?”

“I guess you hadn’t heard about the screaming match I had with them?”

“I heard about it. I just wasn’t sure how exaggerated it was.”

They stood there awkwardly for a minute before Brian spoke again.  

“Look, you’re hot and all but it’s not like I’m heartbroken over this. There are other good-looking people in camp.” He shrugged. “Mostly, I feel like jerk.”

“It’s fine. You didn’t know. So we’re cool.”

“Yeah.”

Across the green, Nico exited Cabin 13 looking very much like he’d just rolled out of bed and threw his clothes on. The son of Hades glared up at the morning sky as if Will’s father had personally offended him.

“I get your attraction to Nico”, Brian teased, “He does have that bad boy with a tragic past vibe and actually makes the goth-emo style look good. Not to mention how crazy strong he is _is_ pretty swoon worthy.”

He glanced back over at Will. The son of Apollo had his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised, overall looking thoroughly unimpressed.

“And here I thought you had a crush on me.”

Brian frowned. “I have eyes. Not a crush on your boyfriend.”

“Right”, Will replied. His tone made it perfectly clear on how much he believed that. “Just don’t play any Aphrodite mind games with him, and I won’t have my cabin unleash all our worst curses on you. Got it?”

Brian gulped and nodded.

Apparently appeased by that, Will flashed a sunny smile and then strolled off toward his boyfriend. The two started talking with such intimate body language – soft smiles, fluttering touches, and leaning into the other’s space like they belonged – that Brian genuinely wondered how he’d ever missed the obviousness of their relationship.  

Will and Nico had a breathtaking contrast too. Blond and black hair. Bright, colorful clothes versus shades of black. A first aide pack on one’s hip, while the other had a soul stealing sword. They were sunlight and shadows, healing and death.

Brian could appreciate the aesthetic.

Drew passed by then, smacking as she chewed gum. “Face it. You have the hots for two guys, who are dating each other.”

“Let me live in denial a little longer, Drew.”  

“You could always try for a-”

Brian put a finger to her mouth. “I value the ability to speak without rhyming too much to let you finish that sentence.” 


End file.
